My husband was supposed to leave for work a week ago, but I had an intuition that he needed to wait. We want to pursue IVF, so we can't afford to loose money where work is involved. If we loose money, that is the longer we have to wait before we can really try and start our family. It turned out to be a decent call. Pricing within our business hasn't gone up enough, so we are waiting on a call back from the boss to help to determine where we will go from here.
Since I asked him to hold off on going back to work, I was able to explore some possible career opportunities for myself... which might better us in the long run. We lost the bid on the house that we wanted to buy in central Florida, so we have been looking into new areas to move. I happened to get a job interview that is farther away from my family, but blessedly still in Florida. I wasn't offered the permanent position, but as a substitute with a good possibility for a regular position the following year. A decision that I am still working.
While we were in Florida for my job interview, we were able to stop by and see some of Vin's family and friends. It was the first time I have had the chance to meet them, and it was definitely an eye opening experience to see where the hub's has come from and why he is who he is. By mutual decision, we decided to keep our trip into Florida quiet, because there were other relatives that we weren't keen on seeing. We know that these people will soon find out that we were within miles of them, and there will be anger and complaints from several sides... but it is our freewill to avoid those people in our lives that cause only trouble and heartache. Collateral damage happens, and you have to be prepared to live with the outcomes of those choices... and we are.
To add one more positive for keeping the hubby home is that there happens to be an infertility seminar that we are going to be attending in 12 more hours. It will really give us a chance to ask questions about our fertility options, and get a lot more answers. On top of it all, they will be giving away a chance for a free IVF cycle. I know it's a small shot, but what do we have to lose!
I hate to bring up past decisions, but this one has given me the most pain and collateral damage that I have experienced in a while. As I have said, it been a slow healing process since my miscarriage, and though I am getting better... it can still be a struggle every day. A decision I chose to make when Vin and I went to visit my family in Ft. Lauderdale last month has caused a bit of strife in my family. I made a decision to not see a member of my family that had recently announced that she was pregnant. I tried to explain to the rest of the family that I was not in a healthy enough mental state to be around ANYONE that is pregnant, and to please excuse and explain my choice to that member of the family. I didn't want to feel the pain of my miscarriage by being around her, and I also did not want to lash out in pain and upset her. I even sent a gift to try and make up for my absence. I had to make a decision that saved myself from pain, and I still stand by that decision.
Well, she has since de-friended me on Facebook, and was even uncivil to my mother over it. She said that I was rude for avoiding her, and that my "circumstances" weren't excuse enough. In addition, she did this on Facebook where I was unable to defend my position. Let me add that she never bothers to contact me... ever, let alone to make an effort to see me while I was in town. It's not like I had intentions of avoiding her forever, but I was definitely not in a good enough place to put myself in such a painful position. The backlash from this drama has the potential to cause enough collateral damage to tear apart a family. I'm sorry if it happens, and I will try to fix as much as I can. I will say that I am sorry that I hurt her feelings, but I will not apologize for actually putting my own well being first for once in my life.
We are all human; born with freewill to make our own accomplishment and mistakes in our lives. There might be positive outcomes or terrible collateral damage that comes from the choices we make in life. Those who are wise will learn from those decisions and mistakes. Some choices you might regret and some you won't; and sometimes you have to stand by your decision. Brace yourself, and take the collateral damage that comes. For me, I will deal with my past, but for the moment I will focus on the decisions that will hopefully lead me to creating our own family.
