I have realized that I think I am really going through some kind of small depression, and with that an anger and sadness that sometimes gets the better of me. The whole holiday season has really gotten the better of me. It's been a trial to see all of the happy little families and their Christmas posts, seeing the more and more pregnancy announcements, and so on. Some days, I have had to remind myself that more than once life goes on. Other times, I find myself angry and wanting to lash out at people for no reason, and I am really not that type of person. I especially feel terrible when the lashing out is focused on my family; the ones that have been through all of this pain with me, and who have been strong for me. I want to focus my pain at something that might actually be a benefit, which I have been looking into.
I have been looking back to all of the health problems and treatment I have endured since I was first diagnosed with Endometriosis at 16. I have had 5 laparoscopies to remove the endo, numerous procedures and tests to try and check my fertility status, had my gall bladder removed, bone loss treatments, anemia troubles, gluten troubles, and more rounds of Depot Lupron than I can count. Looking back at all of these problems, I have been trying to research everything about my condition, and how fertility treatments, like IVF, can help...or not.
One thing since my endo diagnosis seems to be popping up with almost all of the problems that I have faced in the last 15 years. The Lupron shots that I was placed on at the age of 17. I have probably had at least 30 to 45 depot shots in my lifetime, and looking back on my health problems, it seems that many of them started after my first few sessions with Lupron. My bone loss and digestive problems all started in my early 20s, and have only gotten worse over time. I lost my gall bladder in 2009, which only seemed to bring on more problems.
Since looking at all of my health problems, and realizing that most started after my Lupron therapy, I have been researching Lupron and the many problems and side effects. It seems that most of my problems, including bone loss, gall stones, and eventual gall bladder removal are all tied to Lupron.
This isn't even to mention the fact that after my decision to completely stop Lupron treatment, my body wouldn't even ovulate for who knows how long. After the doctors figured out that I wasn't ovulating, they tried using Clomid to encourage ovulation...after 6 months, I still wasn't ovulating and decided to let my body recover on its own (Hence why my first pregnancy was a shocker).
With all of this new information in my head, I have decided whom I want to be angry with. The makers of Depot Lupron, and the doctors that insisted that this was the best course of action. If not for this medication, what shape might my body be in today? Would I already have healthy children? Would I have a gall bladder? Would my body have not been so ransacked and problem ridden if it hadn't been pumped with so many hormones and chemicals? Based on my research...at least most of these answers would seem to lead to yes. And because of this...I intend to speak to a lawyer as soon as possible.
I am normally a person that feels that there are too many lawsuits in the world, but in this instance I think it might be different. If this company had given clearer warnings of its side effects, I don't think that my mother or I would have even considered this treatment. I would have much rather endured more surgeries, etc... than to suffer such painful losses and health issues.
So, on this one year anniversary of the loss of my precious Harper, I am making my resolution to take on Depot Lupron. For the life I might have had, for my babies I lost, and for the hope of preventing more women from suffering all of the horrible side effects that come with this drug. If you have taken Lupron, or know someone who has, and have had bad repercussions from the drug...please feel free to let me know. Or if you stumble onto some valuable websites that I may not have found, please share them with me.
P.S. My other New Year's Resolution is to post here more often. And thanks for still checking in, even while I have been absent, and going though this funk. I hope everyone has had a good holiday season, and we all have a great 2014.
